19 replies to this topic

[OnHech]

I am in a social statistics class and am taking a survey on LDS ideal ages to get married (though other religious perspectives are very much appreciated and are factored in). It is 8 questions and could be taken in 4 minutes. It would help me if you took it at The Marriage Ideal (convenience Version) Survey .

*note to admin*
If this is spam you can feel free to remove this but I just am looking to reach a large LDS audience. And I would post the results here later which would make for an interesting discussion.

[LeSellers]

I'd say ~19 for women and ~22 for men.

There are two reasons for my position:

• People who wait too long learn too much independence, i.e.,  they learn to rely on themselves for everything, without input from a spouse, and when they do have a spouse, they resent being "second-guessed", no matter how good the advice may be.
  
• Waiting means, typically, too few children. This stems partly from age, and capability, but also from the same general affliction as reason #1: children are a big responsibility, and being free to do and act as one wants without restraint of spouse or offspring becomes a narcissistic (and difficult-to-break) habit.

Marriage is a sacred obligation for those who are physically able. Putting it off not only means breaking a commandment of God (even if one later repents), but it also makes obeying the commandment more difficult because of ingrained habits and reflexes. There is no legitimate reason to wait, aside (for men) from the equally imperative obligation of a mission to do so.

I recall the story of the groom, sitting in his wheelchair, waiting for his bride to come down the aisle with her walker: Oh, happy couple! They waited until they could afford it!

Yes, I was 22 and my Jacquie 19 when we wed.

Lehi

Edited by LeSellers, 25 October 2011 - 11:39 AM.

[bluebell]

Well, i tried to take the survey but couldn't because my true beliefs on the subject weren't represented with a choice.

I think that the best age for a woman to get married is when she is emotionally stable and mature enough to make that decision.  In general, i think that age is between 20 and 25 but everyone is different.  Some would do great getting married at 19 while others would fail at a marriage so young but would succeed waiting until they were emotionally older.

The same goes for men, with the general age that is best between 21 and 25 as well.

I personally desperately wanted to get married at 19 (like most LDS girls) but am so glad that God had different plans for me and i got married when i was 23 instead.  You don't realize what marriage is when you are so young, and getting into it before you know what it is you are getting into is asking for trouble.  I had always been a very mature responsible person, but even with those qualities, 19 would have been too young for me.

I have a friend who married then though and the experience has been wonderful for her.  She was prepared to make the sacrifices in friends and time at 19 that i wasn't, even though i thought it was.

[OnHech]

I realize that the survey is restrictive and does not fit nearly anyone's beliefs about marriage - everyone is different. I have a lot of people that want a range but for the purpose and scope of the survey a singular number is required. It would be helpful if, even if you did not fully agree, you placed an ideal age (assuming that everything is perfect and feels good) that you feel would be a "good" age to get married. Most would agree 14 is generally too young and 50 too old, so I'm asking "under ideal circumstances, assuming everything is ideal at what age would be most ideal age to get married at?"

[Saints Alive]

I too find it difficult to label an "Ideal age" for marriage. In truth you cant put an age on when you should or shouldn't get married (except for when one is obviously too young, like a minor).

[KevinG]

There are too many variables to count that would influence the optimal age.

Emotional maturity
Financial stability
Finding a compatable mate
...the list goes on and on.

Accounting for these I'd say 23 is a pretty good average.

[KevinG]

OnHech, on 25 October 2011 - 10:41 AM, said:

I am in a social statistics class and am taking a survey on LDS ideal ages to get married (though other religious perspectives are very much appreciated and are factored in). It is 8 questions and could be taken in 4 minutes. It would help me if you took it at The Marriage Ideal (convenience Version) Survey .

*note to admin*
If this is spam you can feel free to remove this but I just am looking to reach a large LDS audience. And I would post the results here later which would make for an interesting discussion.

Sopme tips on demographics...  For the younger ages split them into groups like the older ages.  Even numbers of years in each group will level the categories for you.  If you want more detailed age categories then have people self identify their age with a fill in the blank option.

For religion list Latter-Day Saints (Mormon) for a proper usage of the way LDS self identify.

Good luck with your class!

[Pa Pa]

OnHech, on 25 October 2011 - 10:41 AM, said:

I am in a social statistics class and am taking a survey on LDS ideal ages to get married (though other religious perspectives are very much appreciated and are factored in). It is 8 questions and could be taken in 4 minutes. It would help me if you took it at The Marriage Ideal (convenience Version) Survey .

*note to admin*
If this is spam you can feel free to remove this but I just am looking to reach a large LDS audience. And I would post the results here later which would make for an interesting discussion.

When you are mature...100 comes to mind.

[ERayR]

When you are able to take on the resposibility and are able to put someone elses needs before your own when necessary.

[frankenstein]

There is no right time or ideal time to get married or have children.

Marriage is not a commandment. And if it is , there is no age that it is required by. But I suppose we could all let elder oaks know what a sinner his current wife was for not being married.

Edited by frankenstein, 27 October 2011 - 07:29 AM.

[Arkholt]

ERayR, on 26 October 2011 - 09:23 PM, said:

When you are able to take on the resposibility and are able to put someone elses needs before your own when necessary.

I agree with this, but with a caveat.  I don't think anyone, before they get married, will ever be fully ready for the responsibility or be fully mature enough to handle it.  There are so many things you learn from being married that you just can't learn otherwise.

That said, I do feel that age makes absolutely no difference.  Maturity is the important thing.

[thesometimesaint]

Of course every one is an individual, but as a general rule about 23 in modern day America would be my preference.

[cinepro]

I strongly believe couples should wait until they have the emotional maturity and life experience to make such a commitment.

Or, they should wait until they just can't handle not having sex for another minute.

So, mid-20s if they're fornicating, early 20's/late teens if they're not.

[Saints Alive]

frankenstein, on 27 October 2011 - 07:25 AM, said:

There is no right time or ideal time to get married or have children.

Marriage is not a commandment. And if it is , there is no age that it is required by. But I suppose we could all let elder oaks know what a sinner his current wife was for not being married.

seems i remember someone saying the commandment doesn't apply to women.

[silvermoon383]

Sounds like the majority believe that I'm beyond the ideal.  Great, thanks.

[thesometimesaint]

silvermoon:

Don't feel bad. My mom was 34 when she got married, and my dad was 28, first time marriage for both. I was 20 and my wife 19 when we got married. Next year we celebrate our 40th Anniversary

[katherine the great]

My husband and I were both 24 when we got married.  It was the ideal age for me, but I think my husband was not ready.  I think 34 would have been a better age for him.

[Duncan]

I got married at 23.5 had a child at 24.5 and I was WAY too young then, I don't even know how to interpret the past with a divorce

[One Clear Voice]

how about NEVER!  Does that work for you?

[DarkScythe]

when you are able to take care of yourself and enough left over to take care of several other people on many levels. Also on an emotional level, if you can comfortably be alone is another key. When you can be satisfy yourself with or without another person is  a good keystone.