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Everything posted by bsjkki

  1. This came up in a "meeting" tonight. Yep...people would notice and think you didn't understand CoJCoLDS doctrines.
  2. Judging intent...great. Next you will ask if you want net or gross blessings. 😕
  3. I understand why people ask. It’s part of the information gathering process. Ask questions, gain insights and information. Ponder on all you learn and then ask God what is right for you.
  4. That happened to me. Always payed on gross but then circumstances changed and I prayed about it and got the same answer you did. But, I also got the answer to pay on gross and received innumerable blessings for it at the time. It is very important to pray and receive your own revelation. And, then feel confident in what the Lord tells you to do.
  5. When you start getting too technical and into the weeds I think the whole spirit of tithing fails. It gets too crazy. We pay a lot more in taxes than what is taken out during payroll so those who pay “net” are not really paying “net” unless they are deducting sales and other property taxes. We bought a new truck this year and I payed more than $4000 in sales and registration fees. Many young people I talk to don’t ever see pay stubs anymore. It’s all online. Keep it simple, keep the spirit of the law. Don’t overwhelm with technicalities.
  6. I think everyone’s situation is very unique. I used to be a “gross” payer but now I pay on the money as I “see” it. Our situation changed so it’s impossible to pay tithing with money we don’t see or control. We would go into to debt to pay. I feel better about paying on social security and retirement funds when they are used and think it will be a more accurate accounting in the long run. There are taxpayers that even if you pay on your gross, your tax return should still be tithed on. There are people who get thousands of dollars back that they did not pay but then, how do you pay “tithing” on food stamps or Medicaid...it gets complicated and I think tithing should be simple. I pay on the cash as I get it.
  7. Thank you for providing the link...I usually don't forget but was in a rush. It is a really great quote and I will share it far and wide. So many of my friends struggle with blaming themselves for their imperfect children.
  8. We started out Come Follow Me really great but are now struggling. We were traveling and spring break and sick and the flu etc... and got off course. We were supposed to pick it up again and do better yesterday and we still failed. I had a terrible day at church and came home exhausted and my husband came to church but left early because his chronic pain condition is flaring up with a vengeance. We were really great at doing scripture study and family prayer for many, many, years but when things fell apart for us, we've never quite gotten back the same zeal. We tried so hard and did so much and still my kids stumbled. So now, we do less. We keep trying to get back to where we were and still keep failing. I still struggle with the basics that used to be so easy and routine. But, I do know God loves me and my kids and we will just keep trying but we are much more tired and weary now. I do like this quote from conference, "It is hard to understand all the reasons why some people take another path. The best we can do in these circumstances is just to love and embrace them, pray for their well-being, and seek for the Lord’s help to know what to do and say. Sincerely rejoice with them in their successes; be their friends and look for the good in them. We should never give up on them but preserve our relationships. Never reject or misjudge them. Just love them! The parable of the prodigal son teaches us that when children come to themselves, they often desire to come home. If that happens with your dear ones, fill your hearts with compassion, run to them, fall on their neck, and kiss them, like the father of the prodigal son did." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2019/04/11soares?lang=eng He then ended his talk with a story of a single mother who raised who kids perfectly in her trying circumstances and they're all amazing and then I felt inadequate again. I have a hard time with stories of perfect CoJCoLDS families because then I internalize and blame myself for my children's choices. I have learned this is self-destructive. I have learned that my children's choices are not "about me." I have learned to try and exorcise those thoughts from my head. They don't help me as a try to develop my own spiritual self. But, it is a battle I wage all the time. I know many who are in this mid-life mothering/spiritual crisis as our kids struggle and stray. Hang in there!
  9. There are a lot of former students at the rally.
  10. This story is spreading. Picked up by the New York Times. In PR wars it’s not the size of the crowd but the attention/press they get that matters. I study news cycles and how stories spread. A real fascinating one to study is the beginnings of the Trump/Russia narrative. The rise of Barrack Obama too. We are all being manipulated by the media. The Covington kids and the Kavanaugh hearings. Really fascinating. The Joe Biden handsy stories too. Those had been around for years and now suddenly, it’s making headlines in major stories. Who is trying to take Biden out before he announces? Amy Klobuchar was also hit with friendly fire stories about being a mean boss. Sad to say but BYU being portrayed as “mean” will make it to print. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/04/12/us/byu-honor-code.amp.html “Ms. Draughon, 24, kept her concerns about the honor code quiet until she had left school, but now her Honor Code Storiesaccount on Instagram has attracted more than 34,000 followers and generated nearly 200 tales of punishment meted out by the office charged with enforcing the code. “Nobody talks about the Honor Code Office on campus because they’re terrified,” Ms. Draughon said. “The code has been weaponized. That’s not the culture you need at a religious university.” Here is the AP story that will get picked by local papers. https://www.apnews.com/fd6bef12f7a046f48b848b8508a793e8
  11. Yes, but I did wonder if current students, due to the honor code, would not want to participate. Hard to know either way but people seem to be more willing to provide anonymous stories. It takes a lot more bravery to publicly attend an event and be an activist.
  12. I agree 500 seems like a stretch based on the pictures I’ve seen.
  13. https://www.ksl.com/article/46530636/byu-students-plan-sit-in-to-protest-honor-code-after-viral-instagram-account-petition-seek-reform This link has a 20 minute long video look at the protest with various interviews https://www.sltrib.com/news/education/2019/04/12/honor-code-protest-led/ "An estimated 500 protesters have gathered at a noon rally at Brigham Young University to oppose how the school’s Honor Code Office investigates and disciplines students, chanting, “Hey hey, ho ho, bring honor to the HCO.”
  14. My sister-in-law watched Unplanned and it made her want to stand outside of abortion clinics and pray.
  15. Hearing this story, I thought the student probably was extremely homesick and had a hard time adjusting to being away from home. College life is not exactly an easy transition for a lot of kids these days. My daughter at a secular school had a dorm roommate who was doing cocaine, an RA that would pass out drunk and puke in their bathroom and she was frequently locked out for other "reasons." This is why BYU is such a draw for LDS families. The alternatives are a lot worse. So, I agree that BYU should have an honor code but I think the Honor Code has a lot of unintended consequences due to the way it has been enforced. I would prefer a system that let kids stay in school as they worked through their repentance process. Some separation between the role Bishop's play. Some of these kids come from abusive situations or have mental health issues or a spiritual crisis that they could use pastoral care without a threat of being kicked out of school. The kids these days are dealing with a lot more issues than my generation and that is not going to change. I wonder what the activity rate is among students expelled? Once you're kicked out, they really kick you to the curb. You have to immediately move out of your housing and even if it is finals week, you must leave class. Maximum damage is inflicted. There is no concern shown for mental health or any offer of services.They are done with you. I know of suicide attempts and new drug addictions, family shunning and other things that have happened after being kicked out. I feel the Honor Code has been "weaponized." I would still like BYU to have a Honor Code but reforms should happen. I would definitely sit down your 17 or 18 year old when they start their BYU journey and fully explain how it works. Like I've said before--many sinners don't plan to "sin." After a mistake, then fear and bad choices tend to take over. Parents need a primer on the long lasting secular consequences for an honor code violation of their student and understand what happens. That violation stays on the their transcript and will follow them forever.
  16. Articles on this topic. https://www.newsweek.com/byu-honor-code-office-sit-protest-1393218 https://www.sltrib.com/news/2019/04/11/behind-headlines-current/ https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/brigham-young-university-students-graduates-call-more-forgiving-honor-code-n990981 https://universe.byu.edu/2019/04/09/byu-i-to-hold-honor-code-reform-march/ https://www.sltrib.com/news/2019/04/08/gehrke-byu-can-keep-its/ https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900064249/byu-honor-code-office-social-media-campaign.html Newsweek "Caden Jay Zobrist, who left BYU for a job opportunity in Las Vegas, said her sister was put on suspension for six months because she didn’t turn her roommate in for having a group of friends in her room. Zobrist was “disgusted” at the way her sister was treated and told Newsweek that her parents, who she described as “pretty strict Mormons,” raised them to know right from wrong.“They put her account on hold so she couldn’t register for classes. They forced her to talk about the law of chastity with them for six months to determine if she ‘repented,’” Zobrist said. “They held her education over her head and threatened her multiple times with kicking her out of BYU.”
  17. Anyone here follow the Honor Code 100 percent?
  18. Those are absolutely justifiable reasons to turn someone in. I wish they had been able to prevent the rapes. That is so sad.
  19. Interesting answer by BYU's President. Only 10 to 15 students kicked out each semester. And his answer for getting in trouble for not tattling is not accurate at BYU Idaho. I know students were threatened with expulsion if they don't tattle. https://news.byu.edu/news/q-kevin-utt-director-byus-honor-code-office Is the goal to ensure that violators are disciplined or to help them come back into good standing, if possible? Our goal is to help students come back into good standing as quickly as possible. We want students to succeed here. Like at other universities, the student conduct process exists to protect the interests of the community and guide those whose behavior is not in accordance with its policies. Honor Code Office actions are intended to develop students’ moral and ethical decision-making. The vast majority of students involved in Honor Code cases remain fully enrolled in the university. On average, between 10 and 15 students are expelled from the university each year from a population of 33,000 students, although the number is lower in the past 12 months. Decisions are carefully considered as the HCO strives to protect the rights, health and safety of all members of the BYU community. Can I get in trouble for not reporting something to the Honor Code Office? No. One of the nine Honor Code principles states: “Encourage others in their commitment to comply with the Honor Code.” Encourage is not synonymous with “turn someone in.” Encourage is a verb that means to give support, confidence or hope to someone. We are all members of the BYU community – thousands of people coming together to develop faith, intellect and character, and we should always reach out in love and support to those around us.
  20. While it is very disappointing when roommates do not adhere to church standards, I think it is sad she went home. She could have switched apartments. There is no other school where she would find students living lds standards. That seemed an extreme reaction and there were probably more reasons than you know that she went home. My son, right off his mission roomed with people who did not adhere to church standards and it was one reason he ended up struggling so much. The thing is, for some, sin is not planned. 18-24 year olds are going to make mistakes. My son had an extreme case of post mission anxiety. He did not find a lot of love and compassion from his leaders. I have a problem when your Bishop emphasized punishment over pastoral spirtual care. He ended up in years of counseling. He has still not recovered from that time in his life.
  21. The problem with BYU is you can have long term secular problems due to spiritual issues. I think it’s difficult when those two things are so entwined.
  22. I think those whose kids do not attend BYU, should get a tithing deduction. 😉 Why do my tithing dollars supplement other students education when I am paying elsewhere. 😉 Also, parents, if they disagree with the climate of fear created by the honor code which impedes confession and repentance and puts your child in a position they are required to tattle on others or get in trouble themselves, should just not send their children to those schools. Maybe it’s a form of protest.
  23. I think this is sad too but it is the times we live in. In church, we don’t screen members who serve with kids so a ban on one on one interactions with youth is necessary. It’s sad.
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