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About BlueDreams

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    If only there was blue cocoa too
  • Birthday 05/17/1988

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    Under the mountains
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    People, art, politics, diet, social issues, living and breathing, etc

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  1. I've called myself TBM more than once on this board. Though to be fair, part of that was to point out that TBM's run the gambit since most people who do view it in the "iron rod mormon" sort of way would likely not be picturing me in their assumptions. I think whatever the way of describing it, there are those who kind of have a picture and definition that they have around those who are very faithful and active in the church. I've found that that picture often comes from a very specific type of active member and often their own experiences when they have been more active and believing than they currently are. Sometimes (not always or all obviously) people can assume that one way of person for the whole body of believers. Plus people really love labels and definitions to simplify constructs. Fortunately, people are not constructs. With luv, BD
  2. Prayer and positive well-wishing, proclamation for greater unity, etc are empty platitudes to me without actions that meet the words. I don’t fault the many likely good religious leaders who attended, including our own. When i was skimming through some of it, i heard one leader specifically talk about integrity and moral character. I pray that that can one day be better re-established. In this current national head of state, I do not hold hope for such a thing. I pray moreso that his shameful behavior will not permanently drive us into the immoral/unethical ground. I pray that one day this land can feel like a welcoming place for my internationally expanding family. I pray that my children will have a brighter future on a cleaner/fairer earth as we wake up to what we’ve done to it and ourselves in the pursuit of luxuries and wealthy. I pray that we can still change into something better than we currently are today. with luv, BD
  3. She’s still cooking, but we’re getting close. Should be sometime around early june
  4. Since I've worked at the temple on the same shift for a long time, I've worked most consistently with my Older ladies over 50. When I got married, they were so excited about it that one threw me an impromptu temple worker bridal shower at a local restaurant. It was so fun and so sweet! The good is definitely their company and sharing stories with them....sometimes unexpectedly validating. Such as when they saw that I was planning to do cloth diapering on my baby shower invites. Where I was used to somewhat defending the choice, a number of them would talk about their experiences with it, and how it'll be easier for me since I have a washer and dryer...or how they enjoyed watching the diapers air dry in the sun. They get excited with me and mention how they miss little babies. I've really enjoyed working beside them, hearing some of their life concerns as well, and from time to time helping them too. I'm really going to miss working beside them as I have. They've lived amazing lives and I was enriched by their sharing of them. Bad....Sometimes having my credentials questioned in my work cuz I'm young and look even younger than I am. Most don't and I've had some really great older folks in my office to work with. This also doesn't happen as much once they're scraping 60....I think they're more used to just about everybody being younger than them when entering an office at that point. But it can be a bit of an annoyance as they remind me that I'm about their daughter's age or I can see them wondering just how young I am and if that will be a barrier for me to really understanding their problems. Along side that, they're more likely to have some...uhh...uncomfortable opinions. About gender roles, youths, race, politics, the nation, etc. There can definitely be some generational divides in how we approach problems and discuss concerns. This isn't always bad, I can tell their way of thinking has had some benefit....but it can also come with assuming that their way is inherently better than the younger generation's method of thinking/doing things. That can be a definite problem. With luv, BD
  5. I was just watching a youtube video about the DNA tests and what they can and can't tell us about our lineage: DNA is interesting stuffs....and our understanding of how it all works can be limited and/or oversimplified to say the least. Taking the DNA tests would be fun to do one day. I figure my DNA would be pretty straight forward with my husband's more likely to throw in some genetic surprises. But neither of our stories, culture, and heritage would or really could be encapsulated in a little vial. That is base off of our own histories and feelings towards it. With luv, BD
  6. We can't measure our success as parents based on the activity of our children. My aunt and Uncle are wonderful parents who raised their children in the gospel....and only 1 of their 4 adult children are currently active. Meanwhile my parents - who have some serious faults and didn't do "all the activities" and not only "missed the spirit" but could also drag the spirit out of the home - have 5 adult children, 3 of which are still active. By these numbers, we should assume that a caustic spiritual home environment is the best at getting kids on the right track. Personally, I'd rather follow the example of my aunt and uncle. Talking of Come follow me, my husband and I were reading the part about Christ calling Peter's revelatory declaration of who Jesus was "the Rock." I was struck less by this and more by the fact that immediately after that, Christ tells them about his imminent death and the apostles start misinterpreting and questioning what he actually meant. It struck me that even with Christ physically before them they got things wrong...so how can we, who must generally rely on the Spirit to guide us in our revelation and direction, expect to not get things wrong or make error in interpreting what we need to do? God does not expect perfection in our parenting and our course. Our course with Him is the perfecting element. With luv, BD
  7. NOPE! I never broke what I'd consider were really really big ones....such as drug use or s*x or something. But if it entailed controlling people's decisions and actions or seemed too rigid to me, I was more likely to ignore it entirely. Especially once I was in off-campus housing I had a roommate that I think would have passively took the problems as well if I weren't her roommate. Our other roommate physically assaulted the passive one when she tried to insist she turn down her blaring music. When I came home and saw the goose-egg over her eyebrow, I worked with another roommate to figure out what needed to be done to get her evicted, including calling the cops for her to file a report, taking pictures, and talking to the landlord. No way in hades was I living with someone like that. I dont know how much the HC could have helped since the offending roommate wasn't a BYU student and this wasn't BYU dorms but byu-approved apartments. That was by far my worst roommate experience. But the second to last set were amazingly frustrating as well....and the HC wouldn't have done much for me on 2 counts. 1) they were UVU students and I wasn't a student either at the time 2.) their breaks were minor at best and most of their issues weren't even tied to the honor code to begin with. I ended up swapping places with one of their friends in the basement of the house-apartment to stop dealing with them. Roommate roulette was never my favorite thing. With luv, BD
  8. Yeah, definitely not what I was told either at BYU-P as well when it came to "Encouraging." I can appreciate the intentions in the first question, but I don't know if that fully came across through their methods and focus at the time I was there. With luv, BD
  9. The other post you had, didn't have the petition, but an article from common consent. So I assumed it was tied to that and couldn't see much of what you're talking about now with the petition. I don't know if you meant to post the petition the first time and mistakenly hyperlinked the other....or if the article mentioned the petition and I missed it while scan reading. But that's what I was looking at. I somewhat agree that to have it solely be self-reported could lead to its own issues. I don't know if that was really the primary thing that made BYU attractive to me as a member. It was the price tag honestly that made BYU attractive. And the price tag/the crippling debt I could have had if I wasn't attending BYU is what also makes me hesitate to say that the school shouldn't have any say or means to enforce the honor code. The voices that I've read in general that talk about HC reform I've generally found reasonable or with legitimate concerns. And there likely could be a healthy middle ground reached. With luv, BD
  10. A couple of problems with the parallels. For one, these were not police that I mentioned....they weren't even BYU police. And the questions asked were largely not to check for potential safety violations, but really to remind us of apartment curfews and to check in on sexual hanky-panky. It was fairly obvious from the questions....and one kid's surprise when he realized a car that he thought had a couple in it about to get warm and cozy was actually a well hidden trio (ie. me) crouched by my friends knees. I get that there are areas and times where it would be good for safety concerns....but that's not what was happening from what I experienced. And they didn't have any legal authority to do much of anything if there was anyways. Jane, the biggest problem I have with the parallel given is the age. These aren't teens. The area I was in was specifically generally non-freshmen and married folks. I'm sure they felt they had their reasons....but that balance between protection and intrusion/over-stepping seemed to have been crossed IMO. THanks for the clarification. I would assume that there would be a number of varying views or desires of reform. Taking out some of the teeth with the HCU wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing to me personally. Taking in reports of behavior should be done with a little more caution at the very least by the HCO....and at least a recognition of severity in concerns and answering reports based off of danger to self or others moreso than minor concerns. There's a big difference between your roommate keeps bringing illegal drugs home v. your roommate smelled of coffee and had a starbucks cup. On the bold, same. After a certain age people generally cared far less about these minor things that seemed asinine. My general rule was I didn't care unless I genuinely felt unsafe...especially once I was living in BYU approved housing but not necessarily with BYU students all the time. With luv, BD
  11. Oh, a ways in their instagram page, it describes what they're wanting to have reformed....note, reform....not removal of it. I think their basic message and desires seem like potential positive reforms/ideas for changing the HC. With luv, BD
  12. I was a little confused at first....until I realized that some of these stories were continue one several pages once you click on them (I'm not an instagram person to say the least). So far from what I'm reading a lot o the concerns seem to focus on a few themes: 1. fear based reinforcement and the clause that focuses on others reporting you to the honor code as well. 2. very strict and sometimes arbitrary reinforcement of the honor code that can have ramifications that don't match the level of the problem or degree of breaking the HC. 3. Likely overreach and invasion of privacy as well as heavy handed actions tied with being gay. 4. yes, vague stories about the honor code sucking...without much more details as to why. Those did just seem like gripe fests Personally, I went to BYU for 7 years and never had a solid run-in with the HCO to any degree. Part of this was that after a certain age or time there, I (and most the people I lived with) stop caring about some of the more rigid rules and went with a "live and let live....just respect our boundaries and need for sleep" sort of attitude. BUT I did have interactions and monitoring of behaviors that I found more than a little annoying. That included little security patrol at byu apartment style dorms of cars, where they'd knock on your car doors to talk to you and check what you were doing. And frustration with the swimming facilities for what felt like very arbitrary expectations about my swim suit that finally made me stop swimming as a form of exercise because it was frustrating to be paranoid about whether my perfectly appropriate tankini was going to be deemed inappropriate by some random lifeguard. Oh, an mixing religious terms of righteousness with the HC. I don't mind having the HC in most regards, but I do think much of the first 3 points are important concerns that should be addressed. Especially ones about having others report you. It always felt like a rule that could easily promote gossip, spying, and retaliations among students. With luv, BD
  13. I'm confused in general about what exactly is meant by "moral" in the first place. Does this mean, what is ideal....what's more likely to lead to an eternal progression. Or what's more likely to be pragmatically healthy and sustainable in the here and now. I don't usually step into polygamy threads. Historically, polygamy just doesn't interest me that much and the anecdotal stories I've read from that era are definitely a mixed bag....and in the present it just doesn't really apply to my in my relationship. The idea of polygamy for me or my spouse is repugnant. If it works for somebody out there, good for them. But the idea feels like a disruption/intrusive to something sacred and continually developing between us. I remember watching a show on netflix about polygamy in what I assume is a fairly healthy polygamous community. There was a polygamous household shown that had a very good relationship (at least as depicted)....and even in one of those best case scenarios, I still would not recommend it or want it in any meaningful way in my life. Pragmatically I don't view polygamy as very useful and more likely to lead to problems because of the nature of multiple parties involved....though this doesn't mean that in very specific circumstances or societal pressures there could be something valuable to it on a pragmatic level. But again, I don't know if any of these equate a moral stance. I agree though about pointing solely to the positive or negative experiences in polygamy to indicate its moral validity. With luv, BD
  14. I know a little, since my dad is Nigerian. In some regards people are people no matter where they come from. But there are distinctions. In the christian/non-muslim populations polygamy was practiced not too long ago, usually among leaders of the communities.....or people who could afford to support multiple families/had community capital/respect. This has stopped, but there are practices that are still extremely patriarchal (not as in patriarchal order) and leave women in major binds, legally.....though part of this could be more indicative of some attitudes that came with colonial rule rather that organic cultural heritage. I don't know much about Muslim Nigerian experiences though, since my bio-dad and step-mom were both from christian backgrounds. I would assume though, that of course there are cultural practices and assertions that influence the outcomes or likely success of polygamy. My Nigerian parents have a good relationship....I've met many people who have a range of marriages (all generally monogamous)....the traits that make them such, to me, are fairly universal (trust, obviously, is a biggie). But my personal belief has remained that the more people you put into a relationship, the more likely there is to be mess and dysfunction. The odds that all the adults are equally working together in harmony diminishes and the opportunity to focus and repair damaged relationships between spouse or sister-wives is also diminished because it has to be weighed with also maintaining the healthier relationships as well. With luv, BD
  15. I would say neither because such ideas and contexts that surround the idea of "liberal" or "conservative" were not around in said time.
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