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BlueDreams

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About BlueDreams

  • Rank
    If only there was blue cocoa too
  • Birthday 05/17/1988

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    Female
  • Location
    Under the mountains
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    People, art, politics, diet, social issues, living and breathing, etc

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  1. BlueDreams

    What a wonderful event!

    They do. As do many, I assume, on this board and in many white(r) wards. Different people express that in different ways. And some of those differences show in cultural expressions of praise or reverence (ie. As in an act of revering, respect, and awe). My husband jokingly pointed out that the brown people in the choir were more happily/boisterously singing while the white ones were more overwhelmed with tears. Obviously that is an exaggeration as i saw plenty brown/black people crying and plenty of white people more boisterous...but it does point to a cultural expression of a universal experience of love toward God and God’s word. Which is why I would hope it be an organic outlet in wards. Love for God and how one worships in an intimate experience. With luv, BD
  2. BlueDreams

    What a wonderful event!

    1. It's pretty common for choirs and performing groups to color coordinate or have similar dress protocol. I'm confused as to how that's odd or even curious. 2. Are you talking about the part that they were pulled apart? That was representing the larger story of how the black diaspora came to be. 3. That's kinda worded weirdly. A) the larger choir is not simply AA. B) "their God/Jesus" sounds like its a different God. The sort of singing is cultural and some aren't as comfortable with it in sacrament worship. And I enjoy singing that way and have. I would love to see people's idea of church appropriate music expanded...but that may take a bit and I would rather it be organic to the ward in question. Overall, I enjoyed the show. My husband especially like the one African chant song. It's the Lord's prayer and he started singing along with it as we continued to unpack. I also liked the last Song a lot and appreciated both Oak's and Nelson's words.
  3. BlueDreams

    What a wonderful event!

    If the black/brown people purposely chose to perform, presented the idea to the church, and largely organized it...what is the symbolism to that, in your mind?
  4. BlueDreams

    Dehlin Taking Things out of Context

    It's been a little bit sense I last checked in with anything Dehlin related. But I don't think he's a practicing psychologist but does "coaching"....ie. he's a life coach. He may be Dr. Dehlin wit his completed degree. But you need a license to practice and meet qualifications for such. You don't need that for coaching. Again, that could have changed though. With luv, BD
  5. BlueDreams

    Dehlin Taking Things out of Context

    My cousin quoted Dehlin's reaction a while back on FB. If it was anything like the podcast, I would agree. He seemed to take it out of context in assuming that the article was saying that if you don't feel the spirit like other's do, you must be depressed. But in the context, it was pretty clear that it was saying that depression may be a reason someone may find it difficult to feel spiritual promptings or experiences that they previously had. Which is accurate within the framework of active LDS seeking answers to what their experiencing from a religious source.... someone who had felt spiritual promptings or enjoy religious communion of some sort and now feel a loss in spiritual interest or connection they used to feel/enjoy (that would fit as a form of Anhedonia)...which with where it is, that's who is likely to read said article. With luv, BD
  6. BlueDreams

    1st Pres. and NAACP

    Likewise with BB in clarification (thouh i didnt cry at all...tears are rare for me). I was careful on my wording for a reason and described it as relief and hope. Not necessarily spiritual confirmation of anything. Just excitement at something new and potentially very positive. I was actually surprised by the sense of relief because it was a weight I didnt fully realize i was carrying. I was planning to study, think about, and add whatever i could to the change. But that was beyond short lived. With luv, BD
  7. BlueDreams

    1st Pres. and NAACP

    Clarification: I said stupid white dude. I find it a necessary adjective Haha! No....thats a bit much of a weddinng for me. I mentioned i was getting married in the social section...which is why i’ve basically disappeared....and why i saw the pranks super late. It’s been a crazy couple of months. Thanks! With luv, BD
  8. BlueDreams

    1st Pres. and NAACP

    I am way late to the thread and am headed home from my honeymoon. But I saw the fake version with no context but thinking it was real yesterday night (I had a bit of an upset stomach from waaaayyyyy to much tropical food) earlier in the thread and then soon after. I was surprised by the relief I felt as I read it.....and I've never wanted an apology. In retrospect, it wasn't the apology really. It was the bullet point and the capacity to really out-root the last racist vestiges of opinion that do still effect me and other people of color. Though the essay certainly helps in the evolution of thought from those who've read it....there's still pockets of odd thoughts or simply racist beliefs that infect LDS folks. Several racist beliefs are bolstered in LDS history or LDS beliefs. And not just with Black folks, but other POC's.....I had a friend who is native american get cussed and chewed out with several racial epithets by a white woman in provo and before that had her daughter asking racially uncomfortable questions....several of which had LDS themed language in it. And yes that is extreme.....but it is based on several things that are still found more pervasively than I'd hope in LDS circles. It was the hope that all forms of racism may be looked at and re-thought in all LDS folks that was the relief. And to have solid points to break against things, like disapproval of interracial relatiionships, that can still exist. I noticed before I went to bed, assumptions that this would be over if minorities or others stopped bring it up the ban. I'm less concerned of the past but the present attitudes of members that many don't realize are painful. It was a moment of relief of picturing less need for racial talks with my children and maybe more sensitivity than some of the racial slights, insensitivity, and gut punches I've had growing up. And continue to have. It wouldn't fix everything, I would still have to teach my children to have to deal with greater society....but at least they'd have a safer place in the community that means the most to me. And then I learned it was a freaking prank from some stupid white dude making some stupid point at the expense of PoC, particularly the black community. Re-emphasizing the cultural invisibility of those of color in the LDS community yet again. Something that none of us need reminding of. It went from excitement to let me give you a reminder of the crappy shades of being a I. That was definitely cruel. I was fine, but it still sucked. For those who would hope and invest even more in that desire for drastic institutional changes and have likely been even more effected by the heritage of our racist past, I can easily imagine the pain. Back to work cleaning our bungalow. With luv, BD
  9. No, I agree. It's not likely that.
  10. I think it may be helpful to know that a number of African American holidays or events often carry bittersweet connotations to them. Such as Juneteenth or Loving Day. Or the excitement over a lynching monument being erected acknowledging race-based terrorism in this country. It's not odd for a minority/historically oppressed group to celebrate a reduction in oppression, overcoming difficulties, or acknowledgment of pains. Particularly those in the US....but not necessarily limited to that. Another important general note to make is that this event was suggested and brought up by black LDS saints. I'd heard it mentioned through the minority grapevine before it was a thing. Many black LDS folks don't believe that the ban was divinely instituted and often have a broader belief. It may be helpful for context when discussing this. This was a specific desire and idea brought by black members to celebrate and promote unity in diversity...and from the look of both the video, scanning some of the ensign, etc I would also assumed addressing current issues that are pressing on minorities as of late in general (black, brown, or otherwise). It's not been a fun year or 2 for minority concerns and it's often showing in local communities. Intolerance and hate-speech are more open and being enabled and it's having real effects on minority communities. A lot of these concerns, at least for me as a brown woman, often feel ignored or left unknown by white saints (and white people in general). So I see this celebration as opening a conversation and experience that are often left unseen by those around me who are white. With luv, BD
  11. BlueDreams

    The M-Word

    I think it depends on your definition of lust. Lust to me is broader than the googled definition of strong sexual desire. It a form of strong desire toward someone or something that isn't ours to have or ordained by God for us to have. It doesn't always have to do with sex or sexuality all the time. I stick with the definition that I see outlined in scriptures in general. Initial sexual exploration isn't usually about lust at all, but learning that certain touches simply feel good. This is usually before children really have a strong conceptualization of what sex is. But even for older people, masturbation doesn't have to be interlinked with lust. It can be a near automatic response to physiological arousal when one is half asleep. For women it can be a means to ease menstrual cramps. It can also just be a simple enjoyment of touch and pleasure in ones own body. You're still very much including ones mind. It's almost a form of mindfulness about ones body and cherishing the pleasure found in it. But well beyond masturbation, we already do many things to nurture our sexuality. We date, have crushes, kiss, make out, etc. Preferably, and with healthier sexual development. The degree of commitment and affection would align with the degree of sexual expression. The difference is that we have a tendency to not characterize these as sexual development or expression because we place a heavy emphasis on intercourse as "real sex." Yes they do With luv, BD
  12. BlueDreams

    The M-Word

    Okay.... Again you've given no evidence. Just basic assertions stated as fact and circular reasoning. That's not helping. That their parents and old people enjoy their sexuality in their marriage????....... Until you give more definitive and thought out answers, I'm going to call this done on my end. With luv, BD
  13. BlueDreams

    The M-Word

    Kevin, usually I can follow you pretty well, but I'm a little confused by your post as to which response is to what part of mine. On many points I agree, but they're often beside the point in regards to what I was trying to express. Which is that masturbation is a neutral. Pointing out the severe negativity to me, doesn't necessarily change that point to me. I also find sex a neutral behavior. It CAN be good and beautiful and wonderful. It can also be a tool for severe manipulation and violation of human dignity. I'm not trying to negate that masturbation can be fuel for terrible sexual behaviors and disorders. But I'm not willing to throw masturbation under the bus when I've also seen how it can be a positive and enriching experience in people's lives. For me, it has been the perk of being a sex therapist. I've gotten to see the interaction of addiction, need-based sex beliefs, sexism, abuse, and other nasty societal factors on the disruption of healthy and beautiful sexual relationships. I've also gotten to see how a variety of sexual expression, in the proper frame work and with certain boundaries, can make a marriage and person flourish and grow. Not just in their relationship, but with their bodies and God. I believe that the stories from the addicts/recovering addicts here and that I know shouldn't be discredited. There should be boundaries, there should be greater emphasis on consent, there should be greater dialogue and having moral parameters around sex, there should be a change in the focus of one specific type of sexual expression as the true and only way one can be happy. But I don't think that the voices of addicts should be the only voice in deciding what can or can't happen with sexuality. And when those voices are added to the equation, masturbation is just not the boogeyman we've made it to be culturally. Other notes: Learning disorder doesn't remove the idea of addiction. It actually is more likely to expand the construct to other behaviors (such as sex or porn) that are currently not considered an addiction by the general psychological community. The medical model has limitations that actually make it hard to treat addiction. But it was an aside. I found it interesting from a therapist stance. Technically I would put Trump as exhibiting narcissitic and sociopathic personality disorder tendencies. His sexual behaviors, in said construct, would be one of many indications of said disorders. Out of control sexual behaviors can have varying branches that they stem from. Obviously I do not find his behavior or conduct healthy in the least...though I cannot technically diagnose from afar. I don't believe in the ideal sexual expression as a specific physiological act. I have known couples with a beautiful healthy and sacred sex life that couldn't have intercourse for medical problems. I've known couples who could have intercourse that I don't envy in the least for their sexual expression. The ideal is a spiritual/emotional construct that informs how they interact in a sexual relationship. And sexual expression for me is any form of physical acts that increase a sense of deeper bonding. So what happens when a couple experiences XYZ problems? Their sexual expression ideally would have the flexibility to change to the concerns and needs of their relationship. I hate the romantic ideals we've promoted on TV and society at large. It's not realistic and it can inadvertently leave large swaths of people thinking their sexual life is abjectly deficient. With luv, BD
  14. BlueDreams

    The M-Word

    I can understand the confusion. From a porn addiction standpoint, few can masturbate without potentially triggering desires for porngraphy. Whether early on in life or later down the road, graphic sex images were overlayed on their own sexuality. It's similar to why a binge eater can just have a little cake without the of triggering a binge. Or why recovering anorexics shouldn't every go on diets. There's nothing horribly wrong with the behavior, but it's become a triggering point for when life feels in someway out of control or difficult. It's been interpreted by the individual in a way that leads to automatic responses. I respect your perspective.....but I would like to point out that you have only described a) male perspectives and experiences with masturbation and b) males who have been frequently exposed or sought out pornography. These are not the only people who experience masturbation and not everybody files the experience as some form of lust, objectification, or unhealthy coping tools. I'm running out of time again, but to the bolded question.....no. It's not that easy. Sexuality isn't a light switch that can be turn on and off. Sexuality is (or at least should be) an integral part of being human and more capable to function in relationships in healthy ways. Take that principle to other aspects. What happens if we taught that you needed to only practice charity and kindness when you're married? Before then you'll likely make mistakes, but try not to serve and show kindness to your fellow man. Once you are married, you should now be kind, generous, and other-oriented to be able to share a collaborative and loving relationship. How many are really going to be able to pull that off? Maybe they could...but likely it's going to be a struggle. I have more to say, but my next client is up! With luv, BD
  15. BlueDreams

    The M-Word

    What is your evidence that masturbation is toxic to spiritual health? I gave evidence to my assertions. Simply making an assertion does not naturally make it true. I'm not sure why you are telling me about porn when my point was to differentiate between pornography and masturbation. Introducing porn at a young age, IMO, is a form of child abuse or negligence and a major blinspot in our society. It can hijack developing sexuality to view people, their bodies, and themselves in distorted ways. It irritates me that porn is at a point that people often experience explicit distorted sex images before they've even experienced their own sexuality in any way. That said, not all porn is made equal either. If a married couple likes to send sexual images to each other of themselves as a means to maintain a sexual relationship over long distance or just to play, that's not "opposite to the gospel." Even though they're sending things "meant to arouse" (ie the broad definition of pornography). On top of that, what is considered porn varies from person to person. Painting with broad brushes when discussing sexuality is not helpful and continues many of the problems that we as a community still face surrounding sexuality. With luv, BD
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